BayDad

Bryan in his rocket ship

When my oldest, Ethan, was four, and Mom was on bed-rest, pregnant with twins, we started doing “Special Days with Dad.” Just me and him. Undivided attention. Breakfast out, maybe a trip to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk or Happy Hollow (sadly closed till Fall ’09). Whatever you want to do, kid, it’s your day.

When the twins got to be about four, we turned this into a nearly annual tradition for each kid, typically on a three-day weekend (which works out rather nicely with three kids). We rotate who goes first. The planning and anticipation of it as nearly as much fun as the day itself.

The rules are pretty simple:

• You get to do whatever you want.
• I’m buying. Toy shopping sprees are off-limits, but shopping for a craft that we will do together is encouraged.

We just had our Special Days this past Labor Day weekend. Ethan and I went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium and saw the new juvenile white shark. Katie wanted to see the flowers at the San Francisco Conservatory of Flowers, then have sushi in Japan Town (she’s my only kid that likes sushi), then walk around Chinatown and go to the Fortune Cookie Factory. Bryan loves to build stuff, so after breakfast at Peninsula Creamery (his favorite place for french toast), we went to the hardware store, bought PVC pipe, and made a rubber-band powered marshmallow shooter (which turned out to be more of a marshmallow squisher, but we’re still working on it…). Then he wanted to end the day with nine holes of golf.

A few years ago, Bryan wanted to build a rocket ship, so we found an old refrigerator cardboard box and cut and painted it. Another year, he wanted to sit in front of Jamba Juice and play with Pokémon cards (which, if you really spend time to learn the rules, is a surprisingly fun and involved game; we played for three hours…).

The thing I love most about Special Days with Dad is how well the kids respond to the undivided attention. We have sparkling, insightful conversations. They are polite and well-behaved, I think because they understand what “Special” really means. And most of all, it really lets them be who they want to be and do what they want to do, without having to compromise with their siblings’ desires. There are 364 other days for that…

My son Sammy is nearly three, and his favorite question is “why?” I thought it was just a cliché, but no, apparently two-year-olds really do commonly go through this phase.

It’s easy to get exhausted with the constant questioning, but I don’t want to discourage his curiosity. So to keep me engaged, I’ve turned it into a game now (just for me), and here are the rules:

1. For every answer you give that prompts your child to ask “why” again, score one point and continue playing.
2. If your child is confused, can’t or doesn’t understand, or changes topics, stop. You lose. Score no points.
3. If your answer has to involve fundamental physics, graduate level psychology, or the answer “because” or “why not” (or variations thereof), stop, you lose, score no points.
4. If your child accepts your answer and appears to understand it, and doesn’t ask why in response, stop the game, you win. Total your score. See if you can beat it next time!

Here’s a recent example game:

Dad: Look, there’s a new building being built.
Sammy: Why?
Dad: Probably they want to make a nice new store for people to shop in.
Sammy: Why? (Score one point!)
Dad: Well, people like to buy things.
Sammy: Why? (Score one point!)
Dad: Hmm. Well, because sometimes you need diapers or food or clothes. So then you have to go to a store and buy them.
Sammy: Why? (Score one point!)
Dad: Uh… OK, because, well, you see, I don’t make diapers or food or clothes, so since we need them, we have to give people money, and then in exchange they give us the things we want.
Sammy: Why? (Score one point!)
Dad: Oh! Because when you go to a store, the people that work there have to let you buy things with money.
Sammy: Why? (Score one point!)
Dad: Well, that’s their job.
Sammy: Why? (Score one point!)
Dad: Well, they must work there to earn money.
Sammy: I want to watch a show. (Change of topic — LOSE ALL POINTS!)
Dad: No, no show tonight, sorry.
Sammy: Why?
Dad: Shows are special treats.
Sammy: Why? (New game, score one point!)
Dad: Because you shouldn’t watch too many shows. You already got to watch yesterday.
Sammy: Why? (Score one point!)
Dad: Because yesterday you did a good job at naptime, so you got a special treat.
Sammy: I didn’t cry! (Game over, final score, two points!)

My record so far is eight.

Zurich

We took Mr. B to Switzerland when he was 13 months old.  By that time, he was a walking, talking, toddling little boy.  We got him a seat on the plane in both directions, because we booked several months in advance, and we didn’t know what to expect.

The flight out is about 12 hours from the Bay area, and it was a dream!  He slept for most of the time, and for the other times, he was happy and cooperative and a good little boy.

We stayed in a hotel in Zurich for about 2 weeks.  Despite being outrageously expensive, it was nice to have a slightly larger room while traveling, so that we had room for him to walk around, and had a reasonable place to put his port-a-crib, which was provided by the hotel.  All in all, it was a great experience.  I’d be a bit nervous about staying overseas in a 2 star or less hotel, just because you don’t really know what the facilities are going to be like, and this sort of matters more when you’re with a little munchkin.

One of the harder parts of the trip was the food.  If it were just us, we would have been eating out at nicer restaurants, and having a great time.  But, because Mr. Busy was always “in tow” we had to limit our selections to places that would be more amenable to kids.  And, in a foreign country, it’s sometimes hard to get a good feeling as to where it’s appropriate to have kids at the table, and where it’s not.  Thankfully, summer in Zurich is sunny and hot, and that means lots of outdoor eating, and that means kid-friendliness.

Another challenge was that at 13 months, Mr. Busy was just getting himself off jarred baby food, and just getting into real solids.  We were usually just feeding him bits of our entrees and seeing if he was doing okay.  He mostly did do okay, but there were times when I was a little nervous that he wasn’t getting enough solids, or enough milk, or enough water, or enough of a million other things that paranoid dads worry about.  But, I’ll attest that he’s alive and well, so it must have worked out okay!

A little Swiss house

We also took him on the train to a town outside of Interlaken called Lauterbrunnen, and stayed up there for a few days.  The hotel we were in was surprisingly kid-friendly, and Mr. B had wonderful breakfasts of Berrenmuseli, toast, and eggs.  They also provided a functional port-a-crib for us to use, but the room and surroundings were a bit less kid friendly.  The restaurants on the other hand, were a lot more kid friendly, with all of them having nice outdoor seating, and much friendlier and accommodating staff.

For a 13 month old, here are my recommendations:

Think about the food & milk situation ahead of time.  Sometimes you won’t have a fridge, or you won’t be able to give him what he wants or needs.  Think ahead!  Before you leave, think about what makes a good on-the-go meal (not just a snack!).  Think about what you could feed him on the train, or on a hike, or in a hotel room with no fridge.

Mr. B in the Alps at 3000m

Bring a baby backpack (as shown above) or borrow one from a friend.  Public transit isn’t really that baby-friendly, and in foreign counties, they don’t have the same handicapped-accessible laws that we have in the U.S., so getting a stroller on and off a train, subway, trolley, or in a cab is going to be hard.

Pack light!  Bring laundry detergent!  Bring everything you need to do laundry.  Finding the right soap in a foreign country is harder than you think.  Don’t rely on there being a laundromat.  There are no laundromats in Zurich!  None!  (There is wash-and-fold service, though, but expect to pay per item, and expect to pay more than they would cost to buy in the U.S.)

I’d recommend getting him a seat if he can walk.  The last thing you want to do is be holding a squirming and crying toddler who thinks they want to go for a quick jog around the airplane while you’re landing.  The ability to strap him in his seat during these times is important.   Hopefully he’ll sleep.

Take it slow!  Remember that your toddler needs time to get out and explore the world on his own time as well.  If you’re shuttling him from stroller to train to backpack and not giving him enough free time to play & explore, he’ll get really grumpy, and that will make you really grumpy, and that will make your wife really grumpy, and that will be a bad situation all around.

All in all, it was a lot easier to travel with a 12 month old than I had expected.  Having the baby backpack was a godsend, getting into a routine and knowing what Mr. B expects from his daily routines was very important.  Being observant of his needs and wants is also really important.  Travelling by train with luggage, stoller, backpack and baby in tow was harder than I thought it was going to be, but doesn’t really last that long.

The next exciting post in my traveling series!

Thanksgiving in Maryland

This time, its travelling with a 6-month old.

By 6 months, Mr. B was on 100% formula, and on just a little bit of solid baby foods.  Pretty much the same traveling rules applied this time as with 3 months.  By 6 months, we had the baby changing, eating, sleeping, feeding, pooping routine down, and everything was going really smoothly.

Mr. B was fairly easy going at this point (not much crying, not much fussing) and we could actually feel like we were on a bit of a vacation, and not just going through the motions in a different part of the country.

So, I’ve not got a lot more to say other than:  At 6 months, I still wouldn’t buy a seat.  He was a bit heavier than at 3 months, but still not that bad.

Thanksgiving & Grandpa

Red Eye or Daytime flight?  This is sort of your choice.  If your kid is sleeping through the night at 6 months, then you might consider a red-eye, because hopefully he’ll sleep through the whole thing even if you don’t, and that will be a win for the parents.  A daytime flight has the opposite benefit:  You don’t miss much of your own sleep, and thats good, and if your kid is doing his normal routine, it may be easier for him to just settle in to his new routine when he arrives.  I’d say I could go either way.

At 6 months, Mr. B still wasn’t crawling, and thats nice for visiting the relatives, because you don’t have to worry too much about how babyproof their house is.  It also means he’ll stay roughly where you put him, which sort of makes for nicer photos.

Sleeping at the airport...

We took Mr. B on his first round of family visiting trips when he was just about 3 months old.  His first trip was to Florida to visit his Great Grandma Shirley, and it was our first time traveling with him.

Young babies are surprisingly portable, and relatively easy to travel with.  The only dilemma that we had was whether or not we should get him a seat.  So, in our strive to be the best parents ever we got him a seat, thinking that he could sleep for most of the way there on a red-eye.  It turned out that it actually worked out pretty well, but we still spent a pretty good amount of time holding him and rocking him and generally comforting him.

With the other Great Grandma

In retrospect (this was nearly a year ago) there’s really not all that much you can do with a 3 month old. I mean, they kind of like to look at toys or move their arms, but its not like you’re needing to entertain them like you need to do for a 15-month old!

So, a month or so later, we took him on his second trip in the opposite direction to visit his other Great Grandma in Hawaii.  We did nearly the same thing that time, and it worked out great.

One of the biggest problems with traveling at this young age was the matter of feeding.  My wife was still breastfeeding at the time, and the combination of that and the trips and unfamiliar locations, made the feeding a bit difficult.  There never seemed to be enough time or the right place to really give him a good feeding, and all the new locations and new people meant that he was pretty distracted (and not focused on food!) for much of the time.  So, these 2 trips were the times when we started to feed him more and more formula, and when we really polished our routine around feeding formula.  A month or so later is when we switched to 100% formula, which was somewhat a relief for me, as a father, since it meant that I could participate a lot more in his feeding, which was actually quite enjoyable.

On the plane with Mom

In Florida, Mr. B got to sleep on the couch, in a somewhat make-shift crib arrangement.  Anyone who’s more SIDS paranoid that us would have probably flipped their lid, but we were pretty okay with the situation, and were sleeping just inches away from him, so I thought it worked out well.  In Hawaii, he slept in a Pack-N-Play, which also worked out great, although it was totally necessary to have a chair sitting next to it for the night time feedings and calming down.  Mr. B had somewhat trained us to put our hands on his back or chest or cheek when he wanted to fall asleep, so we always had a chair next to the crib at home so it was easier on us.  This is a bit harder with a Pack-N-Play, but I don’t think that anyone else will end up doing what we did. 

In the end, I think that getting a seat for a kid this young is kind of a waste.Its very easy to hold them and let them sleep in a Baby Bjorn or some other child carrier, and you can fairly easily trade off between the parents.  Having the Pack-N-Play was great.  Having your guests buy diapers and formula and wipes before you arrive is great. If you are breastfeeding and you decide to travel at this age, make sure you’re prepared for all the new locations, new people, time zone changes, and the rest of that.

One thing that I didn’t really think of when I thought about fatherhood was product envy.

I’m used to the moderately consumerist bay area, and I’m used to seeing people with iPhones, Blackberries, Projection TVs, Xbox 360′s, and all other manner of electronic junk.  What I’m not used to is seeing someone walking down the street with a stroller, and thinking “man, thats a really nice stroller!  I wonder if I should get one of those?!”

So, before Mr. B. was born, we went out and bought a modest “Baby Trend” branded stroller & carseat combo.  It served us well for the first 9 months or so of his life, and in fact, he still uses the stroller part of it on a daily basis.

But, the stroller has gotten kind of wobbly and dirty, and the car seat was okay, but the buckles were a pain in the butt to use, and the mounting in the car didn’t seem to be as good as it could have been.

We started thinking that there could be something better, and we would see Bugaboo’s and Bob’s and Orbit’s on a daily basis at the park and around town.  But, if you look at that stuff, you have to ask yourself:  Do you really want to spend $1000 on a stroller?  Seriously?  People do that?!!

When the time came to get a newer, bigger stroller, what did we do?  Well, we mostly focused on getting something that would fit in the trunk of the car, but that was still sturdy and light and let Mr. B lie down and take a nap.  We ended up getting a MacLaren (not quite as expensive…) but still up there in the upper tier of stroller-dom.

In the end, I don’t really regret it, and I don’t really feel like I’ve compromised my drive to raise a “regular” kid using “regular” stuff, and there are things about the MacLaren that aren’t the best they could be.  It still has its annoyances, and I guess thats what keeps me still grounded.  It wasn’t the super-luxury purchase that it could have turned out to be.

Now, I’m finding that I envy all kinds of other baby goods.  My current pointless obsession is on the Thermos Foogo Straw Bottle.  Does anyone out there have one of these?  Do you like it?  I know its like a $7 purchase (not a big deal) but I can’t bring myself to buy another baby bottle when we have probably 2 dozen different ones around the house already…

Swimming at Abilities United, Palo Alto

We wanted to expose Mr. Busy Body to water and swimming before he got too old and too afraid of the swimming pool.  So, at about 3 months old, we started to take him to the infant/toddler swimming classes at Abilities United in Palo Alto.

Its a good place, and they have a nice therapy pool thats very warm (probably 90F or higher) and they have a nice gentle walk-in entry, so getting in and out of the pool with him was easy.

They also have a set of changing areas where you can set your baby and not worry about getting the bench or pad all wet, since its designed for this use.  All in all, I thought the facilities were really nice.

Swimming!

The “class” is 30 minutes long, costs $11 (right?) and consists of alternating between signing songs with the kids, and some general free play time where the instructor might come by and see how you’re doing.  The songs were fine, and were mostly a way to get the parents together and organized and doing the same thing.  None of the kids were really old enough to “do the hokey pokey” or sing “tick tock”.

Classes are from 10am-12pm on Saturdays, and you just pay as you go, and there are no signups necessary, which is really nice.

Although, as Mr. Busy got older, we found that we didn’t have as much time to take him to the classes, which is sort of unfortunate.  Getting out of the hous e at 10am on a weekend with a toddler, and then going swimming, means that you’ve just spent your entire morning (say, 9am-noon) doing one single half hour event.

But, I really enjoyed going there, and I do think we’ll go back every once in a while, just to get him some nice fun time in a non-threatening pool.

In the mean time, we’ve taken him to the Rinconada Pool in Palo Alto, and that also seems like a great place, although its much bigger, and a much different, social experience!

We took Busy Boy camping for his first time this weekend!  A’s coworker had reserved an extra campsite that was going to go unused, so we hustled around on Saturday preparing for our first camping trip as parents. One of the most urgent errands was to get Mr. B his own sleeping bag…  More on that later…

Mr. Busy did really well on the car drive out (he’s getting a bit fussy about rides these days), I think mostly because he enjoyed watching the scenery go by.  Its surely a lot more interesting than our regular trips up and down El Camino.

Once we got to the site, we set up the tent, and went for a short hike.  Busy Bear actually was walking down the path on his very own, and making good progress!  He seemed super happy to be outside with us, in the woods, and traveling.

Hiking!

We hiked for about an hour, of which Mr. B lasted about 15 or 20 minutes before getting a ride in the backpack.  When we got back to the campsite, a fire was built, and the cooking started.  We dined on boil-in-a-bag Tasty Bite Indian food.  Mr. B likes Palak Paneer, but not so much Chole.  Anyway, after cleaning up, it was getting dark, and we started to think about going to bed.

This is where the fun began…  On a typical night, we put Mr. B down in his crib, with his pacifier, and he snuggles in to his blankets and goes quietly to sleep, usually for the entire night. (9pm-7am is typical these days).  So, all 3 of us climbed into our 2-person tent, we all got on our PJ’s, and started to “sleep”.

Yeah, looking back on it, its even hard to describe what was going on in there.  Imagine a 15-month old, who’s never been in a tent before, and in fact, never been in any structure that doesn’t have solid walls, and who’s used to clibing around in bed with us in the morning.  I guess it most closely resembled some kind of human jungle gym, where us parents were fun stuff to climb on, and everything was super-interesting because you’ve never seen it before.  Let’s just say that the pacifier was lost in the dark for quite some time, there was a lot of crying, and we realized that the thought of him snuggling down inside his sleeping bag was completely crazy.  The even crazier part started when he woke up in the middle of the night and really needed to talk to us.  (By ‘talk’ I mean ‘babble’ because he has about a 10 word vocab at this point).  So, he laid on my chest for probably an hour just babbling away quietly in the dark in the middle of the night, until he finally went to sleep.  He did end up sleeping well (past 9am!) and we weren’t too tired the next day…

Sleeping on the trail...

So, we went for another hike, and Mr. Busy decided to take a break and nap for the big climb up.  We had a great hike up to Sempervirens Falls, took about 3 hours round trip, and had a great time.

In retrospect, here’s what we learned:

• Camping with a toddler is actually pretty fun!
• Sleeping is something that we need to work on.  I think a large set of Sleep Sacks would have helped a bit.  The sleeping bag will have to wait until he’s older.
• Bring extra pacifiers! (Or wean him before our next trip!)
• Its impossible to keep a 15-month old clean!
• Don’t forget the can opener and proper type of camp fuel!

Since this is my first post here, let me introduce myself before I get to the matter at hand: I’m E. Stephen Mack, aka Zeigen. I live in Mountain View, I work at TiVo (which is how I know Slacy and Howard), and my wife and I have two kids: Sammy, who’ll be three years old exactly one month from today, and Sophie, who will turn one a week later. I blog over at Zeigen. My thanks to Slacy for inviting me to participate here!

Three of Sammy’s very favorite things are airplanes, ducks, and mud. You can find plenty of all three at The Baylands, off Highway 101 in Palo Alto.

As you enter The Baylands from Embarcadero Road, follow the signs to the Duck Pond. Geese and ducks abound, while an endless parade of small aircraft take off and land at the adjoining municipal airport. The Duck Pond Loop trail (0.7 miles) is a granite trail bed (fine for strollers) that takes you around the pond and its fountain, reasonably close to the airport’s main runway and control tower.

From the Duck Pond you can also hike up the Marsh Front Trail for about half a mile to the Lucy Evans Baylands Nature Interpretative Center (or you can drive). The Center’s summer hours are Tuesday through Friday, 2 to 5pm, and Saturday and Sunday 1 to 5pm. The Center was closed when we visited, but it seemed to have a few dioramas and was set up to show educational films. After checking out the wren’s nests in the Center’s eaves along with a periscope and binoculars that were set up outside, we saw that the Center adjoins a short platform bridge walkway over the marsh, which led to an observation platform where you have excellent views of the Dumbarton Bridge, Moffett Field, and the foot of the Bay.

There are good spots for picnicing, including one spot near the ranger’s station that had barbecue grills. You’ll also find a few bathrooms (just porta potties), some drinking fountains, plenty of flat and wide hiking trails, and lots of marshy streams and sloughs. There are very few large trees, so The Baylands can be windy and is unshaded — light windbreakers and brimmed hats are recommended.

The park is an odd mixture of industrial and natural: One section is home to a recycling center and dump, so you can combine a picnic and hike with some errands. Despite the power lines and proximity to the water quality control plant, the wetlands are beautiful, and the park is known as one of the Bay Area’s best bird-watching sites. We spotted at least a dozen species of birds.

Cost: Free to enter, free to park.

When it’s open: 8am to sunset, year-round.

How to get there: Take 101 to the Embarcadero exit, then turn off on Embarcadero East (in between Embarcdero West and the Oregon Expressway). You’ll pass by Ming’s Restaurant, a couple of car dealerships, a golf course, and the Palo Alto Airport before entering the park.

If you’re biking, there’s a bike bridge over 101 via St. Francis Drive near the Oregon Expressway. Most of the trails are open for biking.

What to bring: Lunch, hats, layered clothing due to wind.

For more information, including trail maps: Visit the City of Palo Alto’s web site

For go-getters: Combine your park visit with weekend dim-sum at nearby Ming’s, and explain to your kidlet why they might enjoy eating that greatest of favorite children’s dishes: phoenix talons.

Obligatory bad iPhone photograph:

Well, maybe not the hardest thing, but one hard thing about being a dad is trying to find time to blog about being a dad.  Think of that as a metaphor for “The hardest thing about being a Dad is finding the time to do the things that you get personal enjoyment from, and aren’t always about kids.”

This week was filled with several todo items for “The IT Department” which, of course, is me.

1. Mac Mini ran out of HDD space, and needed an upgrade.  Lots of research here about what to do and buy, but in the result, got 2GB ram and 200GB disk to breathe some new life into it.  This took 2 separate trips to the parts store before getting right, and I still have to go back there to return the RAM that wasn’t recognized by the aging mini.
2. The power supply of my home server (and my home desktop!) croaked, and the extent of damage is unknown.  Hopefully, the disks are still ok (they, RAID, so I’m hopeful) and if not, it means restoring stuff from an aging backup.
3. Figuring out what the IT infrastructure for our kitchen remodel will be — Phone?  Network? Cable?  Audio? To which rooms?  How much are you willing to pay?

Ugh!  At least we’re out of childcare limbo and Mr. Busy is back to his normal daily routine…